Shades of BlueGrey
by Ceyrai
Summary: No pairing. To love her killer as her son is a complicated matter to anyone who has never been a mother. But she is a mother, and the matter is simple to her – he is her flesh and blood, and that is that.


**Ceyrai Says: **I wrote this a couple of years back, right after it was revealed that Itachi didn't kill his clan out of pure evilness. I had a feeling that it wasn't the case at all, and that he had a fragile heart underneath all those layers.

**Note:  
**_Pair: _None.  
_Universe: _Canon. Pre-Naruto (Uchiha Clan Massacre.)  
_Warnings:_ OOCness. Character death (obviously).  
_Rip-offs: _None.  
_Disclaimer:_ I own nothing.

* * *

**Shades of Blue-Grey  
**_my beautiful, beautiful boy

* * *

_**  
**

She stands over her husband, who is now cold and lifeless, and she is prim, quiet, unnervingly _still _that the man (_boy_) standing in front of her momentarily entertains the insane thought that she had wanted this to happen.

He fails to realize that the stillness that he instilled in her was numbness, and the numbness is now the only thing holding her crumbling world together.

She inclines her head gently, and he could almost imagine her saying, as she always did, "Ah, you're home. Would you like dinner, or a bath first?"

But they both know, he the prodigious killer and she the calm mistress of the house, that those days were over the moment he struck down the first of his clan to go against him.

So she inclines her head, and when she speaks, words different from what he half-expects come out.

"My son, have you come to kill me too?"

He grips his sword.

_No, no, no nononononono I don't want to!_

"…yes."

She contemplates this answer, her eyes unreadable from the distance he stands. Her head inclines the other way. "Can I at least know why?"

Maybe it is because she has been a kunoichi, and was most skilled in hiding her emotions. Or because the madness of the atrocity he has just committed has addled his senses. But it was true – his sharp shinobi ears could hear her slow, steady heartbeat over his hammering own.

In the back of his mind, a rational voice tells him she at least deserves a real answer. "It is to prevent Konoha from falling apart because of the clan's foolish pride."

She nods gravely. "I see," she says, as though he has just told her of something casual, like what he might have eaten during lunch. "The coup d'etat, was it?"

He gives a curt nod.

She sighs, and through her prim stance, she finally lets show some emotion. _Regret. Sadness._

(But never fear. She has never feared for her life, never feared her son – the only thing she has ever truly feared was a dark fate for her sons.

Maybe that's what she fears now.)

"I'm so sorry, honey," she says, her voice soothing, her smooth face creasing with apology. He is reminded of the time when his little brother's cat is killed, and she uses the same voice, same expression.

Then she smiles, lovely and regretful. "Perhaps I had not protected you enough from the darkness of this clan." She laughs, but it isn't as hollow as it should be. It was full – rich with pain. "I suppose we deserve this."

"…maybe."

He wishes that he had killed her first, and quickly.

(Because he hates this feeling of hesitation.)

The longer this conversation takes, the more his control over his emotions slip.

He grips his katana, takes a step forward, towards she who gave him life. She can see him stepping from the shadows and into the moonlight. She can feel the killing intent emerging like waves from him. She can hear his heart pounding against his chest-

_"Uwaaaaaaaaah!"_

_The innocent newborn shrieked in her arms, and she traced a circular pattern against his pink chest. Her index finger rested on the center, and she could feel his tiny heart beating away._

_Life._

_"My beautiful, beautiful boy…"_

And she sees him now, standing proud and tall, his katana in his strong, sure grip, against the soft silvery moonlight.

Beautiful.

_And without a hint of bloodlust or hatred in his Sharingan gaze._

So her heart overflows with love.

(To love her killer as her son is a complicated matter to anyone who has never been a mother. But she _is _a mother, and the matter is simple to her – he is her flesh and blood, and that is _that_.)

He raises his katana over her head, prepared to strike, and she closes her eyes, a pure loving smile on her lips, which are so much like his.

_Perhaps I deserve this, _she thinks. _I could have protected him more, taught him more._

"Why?"

She opens her eyes, and an expression she has never seen on him – _bewilderment_ – is painted on his face.

"Why what?" she asks softly, concerned.

He drops the arm that holds the katana up. "Why aren't you begging for mercy? Why aren't you telling me that you are my mother and you don't deserve this from me and that I am a monster for doing this?" His expression is warping from bewilderment to anguish. "Why don't you _hate_ me for wanting to kill you?"

His eyes are wild and despaired, and her heart clenches more painfully than it has the entire evening. To see him like this, eaten up by darkness, is the very thing she has wished against in all of his thirteen years of living – her every prayer, her every shooting star, her every eyelash wish was dedicated against seeing him or his brother like this.

Perhaps her wishes alone had not been enough.

But one last time, she is willing to try.

She encircles her arms, soft now because lack of shinobi training, around his tensed shoulders. She pulls him into a hug, and his entire body goes limp against hers.

"Honey, you said it yourself," she murmurs into his ear. "I'm your mom. I love you regardless of what you do. The Shinobi Council, the Uchiha clan… perhaps they will only love you when you are their shinobi genius, but there are certain people who will love you no matter who you are, and I am one of them." She laughs good-humoredly, and it breaks his heart. "Am I making this harder for you?" His muffled voice against her apron, to which he clings desperately, tells her yes.

This is the first she voices her love of him since he was an innocent, yet unstained by the shinobi world. And they are both well aware it is the last.

She knows that he is the same peace-loving boy he was, exposed much too early to the horrors of the world they lived in, but he hoped, and so did she. She realizes that, even if he grows hated by many, he will do what he can to maintain the fragile peace. She cannot claim to understand him fully, but she can at least make sense of his inner turmoil.

It is the one thing she prides herself in – that she manages to remain a mother to this boy.

He cries loudly against her, the tears and frustration built up over the years spilling over like a cup filled to the brim. And she hums a lullaby, and after what seems like an eternity, his wailing stops. But she never stops stroking his long, dark hair.

He grabs her hands, his eyes bright with hope again. "We can run," he says suddenly, his voice fast and breathless. "We can take Sasuke and get out of Konoha, and the Shinobi Council will be none the wiser-"

She shakes her head.

"You have always been the soft one," she says, sighing once more. "By letting me live, there is still so much you risk. Who knows? I might still manipulate you to take arms against Konoha. I might carry the same pride the Uchiha leaders do. I can't let you become the Konoha elders' scapegoat should anything happen."

"I have murdered my clan," he says, the pain in his words clear. "I am an outlaw already, in the eyes of the rest of Konoha."

Her eyes are as hard as diamonds, the kunoichi within her awakening. "No. This is essential, my son. Spare no one. Was that not your order?"

"Mom-"

"No, listen to me, please," she says, almost pleading, but still firm. "I tell you, this is essential. I am still an Uchiha by both blood and marriage, capable of turning against Konoha and with enough reasons to do it too. If being killed means granting you the elders' protection, then so be it."

"Mom-"

"Itachi." She smiles, serene, determined, _motherly._ And it is the first mention of his name that undoes his heart again. "Listen to your mother. I am willing to do anything for you. Even be killed by you."

"I _can't_!" he cries sharply. His eyes are anguished once more. "If it's you, Mom, I can't!"

The truth lies bare in between them, and her dark eyes, completely devoid of the power of the godlike Sharingan, pierces through him and his heart and his soul. He is completely vulnerable in front of the one woman who knows him most, with whom he can be most unguarded and not feel unsafe.

And to her, his words are as good as _I love you, Mom_. This is all she needs.

She smiles brightly, her eyes shining in joy. She kisses his forehead. "Thank you, my son."

Many things go unspoken with these words. _Thank you for being brave. Thank you for being kind. Thank you for being self-sacrificing. Thank you for enduring the darkness of the Uchiha for so long. Thank you, for not being angry with your mother as you should be, because she has not protected you as she should have._

And a kunai materializes in her hand from her sleeve. He is frozen in shock as she positions the kunai. "Just one last thing, honey," she says gently, as though she is only about to send him to the grocery. "Take care of your brother, will you?"

_Schlack._

_"Itachi! I told you not to eat dango in your room!"_

_"Itachi, if you want help in your Academy homework, you know where to look."_

_"Itachi, would you like to go to the shore this summer?"_

_"Come home before dark, all right, Itachi?"_

_"Mommy will do anything for you – you know that, right, Itachi?"_

She smiles.

"_MOOOOOOM!_"

No one hears him scream as his beloved mother offers up to him her ultimate sacrifice with a beautiful smile on her face.

In her fading gaze, she only sees two people – her boys. One innocent and still free of the curse of the Uchiha, and one the bravest and most self-sacrificing of all.

The least she could do is relieve him of the burden of being the one to bring about her death.

And as the last dregs of her life fades into cold death, a fleeting thought comes to her mind.

_My dear son, I hope I can go to heaven, because I know that it'll be there I'll meet you once again.

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_

**Ceyrai Says: **Because in my Itachi-fangirl mind, Itachi didn't kill Mikoto at all. And the revelations about him only further my belief of this.

Also, she asks him to take care of Sasuke. Firstly, I don't think she needed to ask Itachi at all, because he would have done it in a heartbeat, and secondly, Konoha might have been better off if Itachi killed Sasuke too. Ahaha. But that's just me. Not that I hate Sasuke, just stating a logical fact.

Reviews, please. :)


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